We have opportunities to use faith every day. Sometimes we are faced with trials that cause us to exercise our faith more than we ordinarily do. If we turn to the Lord, our faith will be strengthened more than we know is possible. I have had many times in my life where this has been the case. The time that is most significant is when my husband, Jason, took his own life. He suffered from depression and had been trying to cope for many years. He was in a very dark place where there wasn't any hope, only pain and suffering. In his mind, he was a burden and he felt like he was ruining our life. He didn't understand how I could love him and stand by him. He didn't want to hurt me anymore and he didn't want our boys to suffer because of him. He felt like it would be better for us if he was not here. So, he ended his life. He knew that would cause us pain, but he did it because he loved us and truly felt like it was the best thing for him to do. I could never be angry at him for that.
It was the middle of the night when the policeman came to my door. I had been waiting, and I was expecting the worst, but still had hope. So many thoughts and emotions went through my mind as the policemen talked to me. Mostly, I thought about how I was going to talk to our boys when they woke up and tell them that their dad was dead. They were so little and had never heard of suicide. How would they handle this? I had to make a choice. Would I shut down, be angry, and focus on the negative? That is not me. Although something tragic had happened, I wanted to be ME and continue my life with optimism, recognizing the blessings. The way I handled it would determine the way my boys would cope. I wanted them to know that bad things happen, but the Lord is there to help us through. I put my faith in the Lord and prayed through the night. I felt like the Lord was holding me and telling me I could do it. I felt peace. The boys woke up and came running into my room like normal, excited about the day. They had no idea what I was about to tell them. My heart hurt for them.
I felt the spirit and was blessed with the words to say. I was able to use the scriptures and talk about our Heavenly Fathers Plan. I was able to teach them about the spirit world and that death is not the end. They were clearly sad that their dad was dead, but the comforter was with them and helped their little minds comprehend. It was a process. We talked openly and as often as they wanted about what had happened. We cried together, talked about good memories, and about sad things too. We started healing together.
It has been almost been 2 years. I would've never imagined then, where we would be now. A few months after Jason died, I met a boy named Wildee, who I truly believe was made for me. This was also an act of faith. I was not thinking about getting married again, or even being friends with a boy. He came into my life and I knew it was by the hand of God. I had hundreds of reasons why this wasn't the time for me to meet someone, but the spirit worked me over and let me know this was part of God's plan for my life. I could not deny it. We had a whirlwind courtship and were married within a month and a half of meeting. Together we have 5 energetic boys and one sweet girl. Our lives have all been changed for the better by becoming a family. We have stability, peace, love, and true happiness. Everything I could ask for. Im so grateful that God knows what I need, when I need it.
My faith has been strengthened beyond measure. I know God is real. I know that if our faith is centered on Jesus Christ, we will be blessed with all that we need.
-Amy Mortensen
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